Taming the Infernal Machine #3

Learning the nature of the beast; or, how to prevent those gruesome fatalities

The purpose of this and the following articles is to provide a few (hopefully helpful) answers to a number of questions troubling the users of personal computers. Let it be made clear from the very beginning that I claim to be no qualified technician, nor comfortable enough with the more complex workings of the Infernal Machine so as to assume responsibility for any misunderstanding or erroneous use of the information given below.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The list that follows is more than 10 years old - it only remains published here for archival and/or "historical" purposes. Back then, an antivirus and a couple of antispyware apps were enough to keep a PC protected, while using a firewall was a privilege reserved to the hardcore geeks - which, of course, is no longer the case in the most recent years. Furthermore, many of the programs mentioned may not be available any more, or my own opinion of them may have changed by now. And of course, if I made such a list at this moment, quite a few others would have been omitted, since they are no longer developed or are unsuitable for the latest versions of Windows.

And now, let us move on to what can be dubbed as "The Black List" of PC programs and utilities, or, more specifically, a few of the numerous causes for those unpleasant surprises each and every PC owner will inevitably come across one day, no matter how meticulously careful s/he is with handling the Infernal Machine - but let us not despair. In fact, computers are nothing more than stupid, absurdly complicated machines that operate on buttons and keystrokes, and although reversing disastrous alterations to their interior workings can sometimes be a highly daunting task, there is always some form of cure to every kind of problem. The aim of this article is to explain which programs and applications should be avoided by any reasonable PC user and why, as well as how to best handle the doom once it has fallen upon our heads. All of the programs listed below have been drive-tested by the undersigned, and any conclusions come directly from personal - and usually bitter - experience. Before I proceed, however, please bear in mind once again that I claim to be no qualified technician, nor liable to assume responsibility for any misunderstanding or erroneous use of the information given below.

The Black List was comprised having Windows 9x in mind, but most of the programs are also destined for Windows 98SE, 2000, ME and/or XP. The programs are listed alphabetically. I did not always place a link to their names, not only due to my own negative opinion of them, but also because quite a few come bundled (or as "bonus" add-ons) with the commercial versions of well-known products. If, however, you would still like to try any of the downloadable ones, feel free to browse the Net through the various online search engines (Google being one of the most comprehensive and reliable) and you are sure to come up with all the necessary information.

1) FindFast (Microsoft Office 95 & above add-on)

I was totally unaware of this feature's existence until it was pointed out to me by this article. OK, I realize the author's concerns are probably somewhat exaggerated, but still, why keep something totally useless eating away at your PC's resources? FindFast is an MS Office "tool" installed by default along with the rest of the program if you perform the Standard Installation, and is supposed to help you conduct more comprehensive file searches within your directories. What it actually does, however, is keep lengthy, thoroughly detailed logs of whatever already exists on your hard drive, every web page you visit and everything you add or remove. Its real use remains a mystery, as it has in fact nothing to do with the built-in Search feature of most operating systems (i.e. has absolutely no effect upon the speed or results of the search), and no clarification is given as to what exactly you are expected to do with it. Unless you have figured out a productive way to use it, you can safely remove it from your PC by locating its applet in Control Panel, double-clicking the relevant icon and hitting Shutdown & Stop from the File menu, and then running a custom reinstallation of MS Office with the "FindFast" option unchecked, disabled or marked as unavailable, depending on your version of the program.

2) IE 4+ Browser Languages & Fonts Update

Now this is an option you get through Add/Remove after you have upgraded IE (it is unavailable if you are using the IE version that came as part of installing Windows, as there will be no entry for IE in the Add/Remove list). From My Computer go to Control Panel, open Add/Remove and locate the entry for MS Internet Explorer. By clicking the Check for Updates button, you will be presented with a wide variety of upgrade options, among which there are one or two you should consider (the one concerning Java Virtual Machine in particular, which is a very important factor in keeping your browser secure), while most of the others can safely be ignored. BUT do not commit the fatal error of selecting "Update Browser Languages & Fonts": after you restart your PC, you will most likely discover that most of your installed programs' splash screens and menus, as well as many of the web pages you browse, have become unreadable! There is no real use for this upgrade feature - in most cases it messes things up rather than offering improved browser functionality. There is no undo or uninstall option, and even though computer experts have come up with a couple of possible solutions, the workaround is so complicated, time-consuming and unreliable that (to me, at least) reformatting the disk and reinstalling Windows sounds like a piece of cake, and the only guaranteed way of bringing your machine back to normal.

3) IncrediMail (evaluation version)

Another one of those impressive, "flashy" little programs that promise to turn electronic correspondence into a unique communication experience. The free downloadable trial version is a lure, and the features appear stunning at first sight. Well... the sad truth is that once installed, IncrediMail refuses to work, and even less collaborate with any other e-mail client. It hijacks Outlook Express, disables its features without replacing them with any worthwhile ones of its own, and just sits there eating system resources and consuming precious disk space. It also contains a script that phones home to Red Sheriff, a particularly nasty Java applet embedded in the program's HTML files and keeping detailed track of your use of the program as well as your web surfing activities. Now let's suppose you are not very happy with the program or that its trial period has expired, and instead of "upgrading" to the commercial version, you decide to uninstall it. The bad news is that much like PaintShop Pro 3.11 (see further below), IncrediMail just won't budge from your machine. Even if you have used its own built-in uninstall feature, your e-mail settings will remain hijacked by IncrediMail and you will be unable to send or receive correspondence unless you reinstall it. The reason is that this program leaves hidden, indestructible "stubs" of itself in the system registry, which attempt to bring it back to life every time you restart your PC - even after having exhaustively scoured and meticulously edited the registry. Microsoft provides specific instructions on how to deal with this particular issue, but if the suggested solution proves unfruitful (which is highly probable), the only reliable way to get your machine back to normal (except for those lucky ones who run Windows ME & XP, with the invaluable System Restore attribute) is to reinstall your operating system - PREFERABLY after having reformatted your hard drive (unfortunately, this is the only option that actually works).

4) Microsoft Outlook (Office 97 & above component)

MS Outlook (NOT to be confused with Outlook Express) tends to be installed by default along with Office 97 and above when the Standard Installation option is selected. If you intend it to be your primary e-mail program and know exactly how to deal with its peculiarities, read no further. But if you suddenly realize that two conflicting e-mail clients (usually MS Outlook and Outlook Express) are simultaneously trying to handle your correspondence, and find yourself unable to send an electronic message by simply clicking on someone's e-mail addy inside a browser window, then your mail settings may have been hijacked by MS Outlook. The solution to this problem is no piece of cake but not inapplicable, either. First of all, uninstall MS Outlook from the Add/Remove list or by running a custom reinstallation of MS Office with the MS Outlook option unchecked, disabled or marked as unavailable, depending on your version of the program (in "idiosyncratic" systems like Windows 2000, ME & XP, you may need to repeat the uninstallation process more than once, until you make sure no entry for MS Outlook reappears in the Add/Remove list after you have restarted your PC). Run a search and delete any MS Outlook entry that you come across - BUT be very careful and DO NOT delete anything that belongs to Outlook Express! Do the same with the registry, using Regedit (be much more cautious when messing with the registry, though - do NOT touch anything you are not sure about). Restart your PC, run RegClean and let it fix the errors it encountered. From Control Panel, open Internet Options and go to Programs. Select Outlook Express or any other desired program as the default client for both Mail and News and click Apply. Note that if you can't see the program you are looking for on the dropdown list, you must uninstall and then reinstall Outlook Express, or, for any other e-mail client, the relevant program itself. To uninstall Outlook Express, open Add/Remove from the Control Panel, go to Windows Setup, uncheck Outlook Express from the list and click Apply. To reinstall it, restart your PC, open Add/Remove, select and check Outlook Express and click Apply. You will need your Windows Setup CD to do this correctly, so be sure to have it handy before uninstalling anything. For all other programs, follow the manufacturer's particular instructions. If, somewhere during installation, you are asked to specify whether you want the program to be your default e-mail client, click Yes. That should normally do, although on buggy versions of Internet Explorer, like 6.0 (particularly on a Windows XP platform), the New Message command from File menu above a browser window tends to get permanently disabled after this operation, but with no other considerable effect on the browser's general functionality.

5) Microsoft Photo Editor (Office 97 & above add-on)

This is another optional component of MS Office, and to be honest, I don't know if I should be positively or negatively inclined towards it. The pros are not insubstantial - think IrfanView with a more glamorous interface and an interesting variety of graphic filters. On the other hand, Photo Editor is exactly what its name implies - it has been designed to manipulate photographs, that is static pictures, and not animated GIFs. This is the reason animations lose their "movement" if opened with Photo Editor. What's more (and this is probably what should finally tip the scales) - once installed, Photo Editor immediately hijacks the PC's file settings, appropriating all image formats and rendering any other picture editing programs practically useless. The program does not actually cause any damage to your PC, but the bad thing is that if, for any reason, you choose to uninstall it (by running a custom reinstallation of MS Office with the "MS Photo Editor" option unchecked, disabled or marked as unavailable, depending on your version of the program), the file settings will NOT automatically return to normal - especially on a multiple user platform such as Windows 2000, ME or XP. You need to run a thorough search and eliminate any Photo Editor entry you encounter, and then repeat the process with the registry. Restart your PC and run RegClean, letting it make any necessary corrections. After the cleaning is complete, you will need to manually re-associate all the image file types with the programs you want to open them with, in order to be able to view your pics. The easy solution is to install TweakUI, open it, go to Repair, select Repair Associations from the list (Windows 9x) or dropdown menu (Windows 98SE, 2000, ME & XP) and click Repair or Apply. In most cases, this will do. Otherwise, you need to open File Options from Explorer's View or Tools menu (depending on your platform), select each image file type separately, click the Edit button to the right of the list and associate the file type with the desired program - IExplore by default for GIFs & JPEGs, as well as those universally abhorred ART files (unable to open through any other application), MSPaint for bitmaps and KodakPrv for DCXs & PCXs, TIFs, WIFs & XIFs.

6) PaintShop Pro (versions 3.11 to 6.0)

Don't be lured by the various enthusiastic reviews and download any of the above versions of this program. If you absolutely need to have it, do yourself a favor and get the newest demo version which, at least, offers some value for time and money spent on downloading it (it's a quite bulky file alone and even more voluminous if you decide to try the numerous add-ons & accessories). Otherwise, just run away as fast as you can. This thing is as close to a virus as it could get, irrevocably hijacking your file extensions and making it impossible to open or view any kind of image with any program or application other than PSP, even after you have removed the latter from your disk. In most other cases, whenever an uninstalled program leaves mutilated "stubs" of itself in your system folders and registry, you are normally able to get rid of them for good by running a search and deleting all relevant references. No such luck here! Even after painstakingly editing the registry and manually restoring file type associations (a tiring and painfully time-consuming task), each time you reboot your PC, the zombie hijacked settings reappear. The only way to get your machine back to normal (except for those lucky ones who run Windows ME & XP, with the invaluable System Restore attribute) is to reinstall your operating system - PREFERABLY after having reformatted your hard drive (it was the only option that really worked for me). As for PSP's much-praised image editing capabilities, the only thing I can say from personal experience is that, although fairly at ease with most image manipulation programs, I had extreme difficulty reading PSP's interface and using the menus. Even when I finally figured them out (or thought I did), none of the features seemed to actually work! And the worst thing is, it just doesn't support any color depth other than grayscale, or resolution higher than the 256 color palette (it says 16 bit, but - well, you get the idea). I personally find it a lot more enjoyable and productive to combine the forces of good ole' MS Paint and the amazing IrfanView. Heck, even MS Photo Editor would do a lot better than that - if nothing else, it does let you use a few special effects on your pics and switch between image formats and resolutions, for Christ's sake.

7) Various Internet Resident Spyware

Now this is another scorching matter, and the list of things to avoid is endless - for a comprehensive and enlightening presentation of Internet resident junkware (that is, those mysterious applications that suddenly add toolbars to your browser, change your browser's home page and search engine, attempt to connect your PC to the Internet every time you reboot and make irritating ad boxes pop up on your desktop whether you are connected to the Net or not) and any methods of elimination available, take a look at Cexx.org. As a general rule, be very cautious with all those little boxes that pop up while you surf the Web, especially if some of them refuse to close or take an unreasonably long time to display their contents - this time is usually all it takes them to install various spyware on your PC. Upgrade to the latest version of Internet Explorer (available for free from Microsoft's site), which is by default patched up against this kind of attacks, and apply ALL available security updates. Download and install AdAware and/or Spybot Search & Destroy and remember to update and run them regularly. You may also configure either of them (NOT both, as they are going to conflict with each other and crash the PC) to scan your computer on startup, so it can catch any possible threat and extinguish it before it settles in your system for good. A couple of other great programs that are essential for the prevention of spyware are SpywareBlaster and SpywareGuard, the first blocking once and for all most malicious drive-by downloads and ActiveX controls, and the second acting as an anti-Trojan and a rudimentary kind of firewall, offering effective real-time protection from the majority of the above mentioned threats.

8) Yahoo! Instant Messenger & Companion (latest version)

Unless you are a hopeless chat junkie or instant messaging fetichist and can't live without having every possible program of this kind installed on your PC, Yahoo! Messenger is of no particular use to you, as it hardly offers anything more spectacular than any other similar program. The real bad part, however, is that unlike any of its counterparts, this one comes bundled with the infamous Companion which will irrevocably mess up your registry and permanently alter your system's default settings, so that those few things that have been left unharmed by the renovative fury of IE4+ Browser Languages & Fonts Update will in their turn be more than effectively dealt with. The result is a generally functioning but practically unusable PC - unless you remember all your programs' menus by heart and are able to read the runes and hieroglyphs that will have replaced normal characters on every web page you browse. The damage remains even after you have uninstalled it, and editing the registry is of little or no help at all. The safest way to get your initial settings back is to reinstall Windows, preferably after reformatting your hard drive to get rid of any remaining .DLLs and persistent registry entries (at least this was what finally did the job in my case, all other possible alternatives having spectacularly failed).

9) Zone Alarm Personal firewall (free version)

Zone Alarm was suggested to me by a close relative particularly concerned about Internet safety. Taking his advice to heart and encouraged by the fact that the free version came as a bonus on a software CD, I installed it following the standard "wizard" for medium (not even high) level of security and began to surf, confident that my private information would at last be inaccessible to the various web tracking programs and scripts. Well... imagine my painful surprise when I discovered that in reality, it was the Web that had become inaccessible to me! Each and every page I attempted to open was blocked, and I was constantly being alerted of supposed attacks on my computer's various ports. If a page contained even the simplest form of Java script or the most innocent banner, it took long minutes to display, and when it finally did, it was completely bare and distorted, with error messages popping up all the time. I was unable to update my virus definitions or access any password-protected locations, such as my web-based mail and newsgroup subscriptions. Moreover, when I tried visiting one of my own pages with a stats counter on it, just to see if my IP address had been recorded - guess what? It had, in spite of all ZA's over-protective zeal. Unwilling to go on like this, and unable to believe that each and every hacker in the world had launched a concentrated attack on my PC, I decided to uninstall the firewall... I will not add one more horror story to the long list of those so colorfully contributed by previous ZA victims, which you can easily find on a number of software review sites. The only thing I have to say is STAY AWAY from this atrocity. Trust your good old antivirus with its more or less effective autoprotect function, and let those wonderfully unobtrusive little programs called AdAware and Spybot Search & Destroy take care of the rest. Otherwise, even after you have removed it, ZA will still mess with your Internet surfing, unless, of course, it has permanently disabled your connection altogether. Zone Labs (its manufacturers) had the grace to put up a help page on their site giving detailed instructions for its removal, but even if you follow those to the letter, you will most probably wreck your registry and leave your system with a persistent, incurable "limp". Complete hard disk format and operating system reinstallation is the highest recommended, and most certainly effective, response to the problem.

A NOTE ON HARD DRIVE REFORMATTING: Although a pretty good solution if you want to make sure you have completely got rid of all the unwanted programs or apps, it should be considered as the last resort after every other attempt at tackling a problem has proven unfruitful. Reformatting your disk and reinstalling the operating system along with all the other programs you use and their drivers is an extremely time-consuming and patience-exerting process. If done correctly, the results are spectacular. If not, the results may be even more spectacular - in the negative sense. So please tread lightly, and if you find that the idea of reformatting your hard drive without expert help does not sound particularly appealing, it is better to have the job done by a qualified technician or a trusted person who knows what to do. On the other hand, if you are feeling self-confident and adventurous enough to undertake the task on your own, visit this site for precious information and advice and - most important of all - clear, precise, easy to follow step-by-step directions. For any other questions, suggestions, contributions or corrections, please contact me.